People often assume I am lonely, being alone. As a parent, you are alone a lot less than one could imagine. Even if they are older, and spend the majority of the time uninterested in their parents, they STILL manage to want or need you at the exact time you sit down to pee. Facts, it never changes y’all. Truthfully, they will always be number one. After ourselves of course, because we can’t give what we don’t have. But, even without him, I am very independent, part me, part my past. I am also a typical Virgo, rather spend my time with a good book, than the wrong man. Either way, I do not consider myself lonely… there is rarely time for that!
So here is a typical weekday afternoon;
Get off work after 8ish hours, dash home to grab the kiddo and pup, because god forbid we leave her home, she is vindictive and will pee and poop directly after being taken out, if we leave her… eye rolls, I do not know who her mother is. Although I don’t piss or shit as revenge, whatever. Anyway, besides the point.
9.9 times out of 10, even after several alerts to “get ready!” they are rarely ready, so we finally get going, pick up glasses from eye doc at 4:48
Hop back in the jeep and realize I left my leftover lunch in the back seat, with the dog, who is half way devouring it leaving a huge mess. “This bitch!” I mumble knowing full well it is my fault.
Jump back out and quick clean the back seat while trying to keep her from leaping over me to get out. (thank you for the help child!)
Back in the jeep, drop Joseph of for practice at school at 5:01, realize I forgot the dogs medical records for the vet!
Rush back home, First Colonial traffic for you locals, at 5:08 ::more eye rolls::
Grab the records after taking up three parking spots (sorry not sorry neighbors) and hop on the interstate.
Make it to the vet at 5:20 only to learn we are scheduled at 5:30. Fun fact, I often build in 10 minute pockets of catch up time in cases of forgotten things, or my fantastic mental health… but then I never remember which ones, so there is no relief from the high anxiety, except once I arrive as a frazzled mess and have a second to catch my breath.
On to 5:20, sit at vet trying to control the pup for 10 minutes on-leash, she finally succumbs to sitting on the bench with me, because “she is a people too”, of course! So much for calming down.
The front desk gal, clearly feeling for me, or at least annoyed with me talking to my dog as a people, ushers us in to a room.
A 5×7 room, fun. Total doctor discuss, diagnose, administer vaccinations and answer all questions one hour eighteen minutes… time to pick up the kid.
Side bar here, I am aware I should come with a warning sign, or maybe a business card to pass out that I can be mucho crazy at times. This vet, as any normal one would do, starts to tell me about possible side effects of the vaccines on my baby girl (the dog). GREAT now I have 4,000 other things to worry about tonight. As I start checking her face for swelling every 2.5 minutes.
Rush out of the vet, get to the school, pick up the kiddo and we are off to the grocery store. You know it’s bad when your sons says “mom, I know we are busy, but we really need milk” Mom of the year over here! Whooo — but in my defense that lil food vacuum, goes through two gallons in 3ish days!
Get through the grocery store somewhat painlessly, get home, forgot coffee. Face-palm.
We skipped the tux place, saving it for the next day, because this mama just couldn’t.
Finally make it home, start dinner, pour bourbon, clean, pour more bourbon etc. etc.
The point to all this is, when I do get some down time, the alone feeling is welcomed, and often needed. Sure I like anyone else, crave the company of another human. Someone who gets me, and knows all of me, and stays anyway. The difference is, I am okay with eating alone. If given the potential amazing relationship I would absolutely venture down that path. But if I am honest, I probably breezed past him at the grocery store, or blew him off on my way to the next stop.
So when my mother says, “honey he is still out there” I reference a Joe Black situation…
No mom, I think he got hit by a bus.
For anyone who has lost someone by actually getting hit by a bus, my deepest condolences, I do not mean to make light of your loss. Only to joke about my own.
Thank you for reading!
Originally published at uncontrollablyme.com on April 23, 2017.